(Not so) Fit-versary: Two Years (Before, During, After, and back to During Pics)

April 30th was my two year anniversary of the day I decided to get fit.  I had big plans for the month of April:

  • I was going to weigh 150lbs.
  • I was going to be in the best shape of my life.
  • I was going to run a marathon.

None of these things happened because little did I know, I was no longer going to have a mother.  Just four short days after my half-marathon on October 4th, my mother became ill.  She was already ill–heart disease, kidney failure, dialysis, but she became hospital-ill.  In January, she became gravely ill.  A month later, she passed away.  And it was awful.  All of it.

I am a binge eater.  A stress eater.  An emotional eater.  A drinker. Bad, bad combo.  From October-January, I ate a little extra.  When I came to visit my mother at least once a week, I would also visit my favorite restaurant and order a burger and booze.  On occasion.  Infrequently.  Once in a while.  I put on a few pounds, but no big deal.

In February, my world blew up.  I dealt with her death well.  I stayed composed when everyone else crumbled.  I made arrangements.  I printed pictures for the tribute table.  I made a video slide show.  I composed a beautiful obituary.  I contacted family members.  I lovingly chose the last outfit my mother would ever wear.  I sifted through jewelry, found her dentures, located her glasses.  I chose flowers, signed papers, wrote thank you cards, and closed bank accounts.

I barely got to say goodbye.

There was no still, quiet moment with a single streaming tear in a solemn room alone with the woman who gave me life.

There was just busyness followed by emptiness.

To ease the pain, I drank.  A lot.  And I ate.  A lot.  I binge-ate, binge-drank, and binge-watched Grey’s Anatomy reruns. As a result, I don’t feel any better and I certainly don’t look any better.  I have gained about 40lbs (I’m TOTALLY guessing because I refuse to get on the scale).  I’ve been getting back into the swing of things.  Running or hiking a local trail after school, body-weight strength training, and eating the proper amount of calories.

So far, it’s been hit or miss.  I’m on the wagon a few days or a few weeks, and then I tumble off that sucker for a week or so and go hog wild (emphasis on the “hog”).

I did take measurements about 2 weeks ago, and I have lost inches, so that’s good.  That’s motivating.  Writing about this is also motivating, not to mention therapeutic.  Once I work up the nerve to get on the scale, I’m sure watching those numbers go down will be motivating as well.

I have set new goals for the summer and fall of 2015:

  • Run a 10k
  • Run a 13.1
  • Run a marathon in October.

Goals are good.  Goals keep a person going.  Goals give me something to focus on.  School will be out soon, and I plan to spend my summer running and getting back into the best shape of my life! 🙂

Where I was two years ago:

I like-a-da foods.

I like-a-da foods.

No chins were harmed in the losing of this weight...

No chins were harmed in the losing of this weight…

I had gained from the 2012 pic, and then started losing again in Apr 2013.  This pic is probably about 245-250.

Approximately where I am now:

Weighing in at about 190 here on April 9, 2014.

Jay Sheets and Marie Pearl…and ME!

Where I want to be:

004

Baby Boomers 12 2014 017

Selfie-alert!

Selfie-alert!

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3 thoughts on “(Not so) Fit-versary: Two Years (Before, During, After, and back to During Pics)

  1. So sorry to hear of your loss. I simply can not imagine. I too am I binge emotional eater, it is hard to over come. You have set some great goals! I too want to do a half in late fall, if I can get this knee injury under wrap.. Good luck, you will do great!

  2. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please give yourself time to grieve. Losing your mother is a huge loss.

    Good luck on this year’s goals. You can do it!

  3. Hey there. I’m very sorry about your loss.
    I noticed your April 30th date and wanted to pass something along. There is a pre-registration for the Nashville, TN Country Music Marathon which is being held on April 30th, 2016. $50 for the half and $55 for the full. I’m signed up for the full myself. http://www.runrocknroll.com/nashville/register/ is the link. That presale price ends tonight – 5/3/15 at midnight. It’s a Rock n Roll event, I did the half last year and there’s about 30,000 people who run in it.
    Sometimes I do my runs for other people, even some training runs, I’ll dedicate in my head to others I care about. People I want to appreciate. Maybe knocking all of your goals out of the park on your fit-aversary could be, in part, out of love and respect for your mother who, I’m sure would be wishing nothing but the very best for you.

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